It often starts with a phone call that sounds off. Your mother mentions she has not been out of the house in a week, or a neighbor in Wethersfield calls to say your father’s car has been parked at an odd angle for days. You are in Charlotte, or Denver, or two time zones away, and the question becomes how much you can actually do from there.

More than most people expect, as it turns out, as long as the right pieces are in place. The families who manage this well tend to do the same few things: they use one trip home to set everything up, they get the legal paperwork that lets them act on a parent’s behalf, and they hire help that reports back without being chased.

Make the first trip home count

If you can only get to Connecticut once in the next few months, plan that visit around tasks rather than catching up. A long weekend is enough if you go in with a list.

• Sit in on a doctor’s appointment so you hear the plan firsthand and can ask questions.
• Walk the house for fall risks: loose rugs, poor lighting on stairs, no grab bars in the bathroom, things stored up high.
• Open the fridge and the mail. Expired food and unopened bills tell you more than any conversation.
• Photograph the medication bottles, insurance cards and any Medicare or long term care insurance paperwork.
• Meet the neighbors on either side and leave them your number.
• Interview home care agencies in person if you are leaning that way.

The paperwork that lets you act from a distance

Without legal authority, a doctor’s office or a bank may not be able to talk to you, no matter how involved you are. These documents are worth completing while your parent can still sign them comfortably, ideally with a Connecticut elder law attorney.

Durable power of attorney

Lets a named person handle finances, pay bills and deal with banks if your parent cannot. “Durable” means it stays in effect if your parent loses capacity.

Appointment of a health care representative

Connecticut’s version of a health care proxy. It names who can make medical decisions if your parent is unable to, and it is often completed together with a living will.

HIPAA authorization

A simple signed release that allows doctors and hospitals to share information with you. Many offices have their own form, so ask your parent’s primary care practice for theirs.

Keep scanned copies in a shared folder so you can send them to a hospital from your phone.

Choosing help you cannot drop in on

When you live nearby, you can stop by unannounced and see how things are going. From out of state, you depend on the agency to tell you. That changes what you should be asking when you compare options. A good long distance arrangement has one named person at the agency who knows your parent’s case, a written plan that every caregiver follows, and a habit of calling you before you have to call them.

SOLENVIA Caregivers, a Connecticut home care agency serving families since 2014, is set up in a way that works well for adult children who live elsewhere. Each client gets a Service Plan Manager who coordinates the caregivers and keeps the family updated, a service plan binder stays in the home so every caregiver follows the same routine, and care coordinators are on call around the clock. You can also do the first caregiver meet and greet by video, so you see who will be in your parent’s home even if you cannot fly in that week.

For a parent who needs someone present most of the day, their live in care in Connecticut places a caregiver who stays in the home, which gives you one consistent person to get to know over the phone. Families with lighter needs can start with hourly care and add hours later.

Whichever agency you choose, ask these before signing:

1. Who is my single point of contact, and how do I reach them after hours?
2. How often will you update me, and in what format?
3. What happens if the regular caregiver is sick?
4. Can I see the written care plan, and who updates it?
5. Will you tell me if you notice changes in mood, eating or mobility?

A call rhythm that keeps you informed without hovering

Calling your parent every few hours to check on things wears everyone out. A set routine works better, and it makes it obvious when something is off.

Read: How Strength Training Helps Seniors Maintain Independence as They Age

People on the ground worth knowing

Paid help is only one part of the picture. A few local contacts make a big difference when you are far away.

• A trusted neighbor: Someone who will knock on the door if the curtains stay closed all day.
• The local pharmacy: Many will set up delivery and blister packs, and they will often notice when refills are missed.
• Your parent’s Area Agency on Aging: Connecticut is divided into regional agencies that connect families to meal programs, caregiver support and benefits counseling.
• 211 Connecticut: The statewide information line run by United Way, useful for finding local services quickly.
• The town’s senior center or social services office: A good source for transportation, social programs and help with benefits paperwork.

Looking after your own job

If you need to travel home for a hospital stay or a big transition, the federal Family and Medical Leave Act may give you up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job protected leave in a year to care for a parent with a serious health condition, depending on your employer and how long you have worked there. Talk to HR before a crisis rather than during one.

Signs a visit cannot wait

Some changes are worth booking a flight for, even with good help in place: a hospital admission, a fall that leads to an injury, sudden confusion, weight loss you hear about from the caregiver, or your parent telling you they no longer feel safe at home. Those are moments to sit down together, in person, and decide what the next level of care should look like.